Making comparisons: a parenting hazard

Your little one is developing normally and hitting milestones on time – you know this for a fact. It pleases you when your family tell you how wonderful he is progressing.

Still, you can’t help but feel insecure when you notice that a friend’s baby of the same age is crawling a little earlier and making babbling sounds ahead of yours. You tell yourself you don’t care about these differences... but, deep down inside, maybe you do. It’s hard not to get caught up in the competition trap.

Here are suggestions to help you avoid this parenting hazard.

• Remind yourself that Baby is doing well Comparisons are only natural, as you watch him grow. But make sure you’re measuring him against an “average” infant, not a super-advanced child! In other words, you can assess your baby’s development milestone against the expected progress for that stage – your family doctor or nurse will guide you on this. But don’t compare him to a precocious infant whose progress is unusually rapid. If you are satisfied your baby is achieving the expected milestones, tell yourself that’s what matters.

• Recognise his achievements Every single day, your mini-me makes progress in one way or another. For instance, he can now follow you with his eyes as you walk slowly around the room, unlike a few weeks ago. Today, he can grip a toy in his hand that he couldn’t last week.

• Watch all aspects of his development – such as movement, speech and hand control – and make a mental note each time he moves to a new skill level. This keeps your attention more focused on your little one and less on your friend’s child. It also ensures you are aware of the wonderful improvements that regularly occur.

• Delight in Baby’s progress When he does, for example, start to walk or make a new sound when he babbles, let him see how pleased you are with him. Give him a big hug and tell him that he is terrific. Brag about your cherub’s progress to your friends and relatives – you can be sure his grandparents, in particular, will never tire of hearing about each new stage in his development!

All these actions ensure that you are thinking about your baby, not someone else’s. And even if you do discover that your friend’s infant is developing ahead of yours, you are less likely to feel competitive about it.

• Learn to accept differences No matter how smart and alert your baby is, there will always be another infant who can do more than him. That is the nature of individual differences; no two kids progress at exactly the same rate – not even identical twins. Try to accept that such contrasts are normal. You have nothing to worry about because you know your baby’s development is completely normal.

• Be honest about your feelings Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, how much you love your child and admire his progress, you may still get caught up in the competition trap.

Share your feelings to your husband or your best friend. Be honest with them. Admit that you can’t help comparing your baby to another, even though you wish you didn’t. You’ll find that the very act of discussing these thoughts with someone you trust makes you feel better already. Although you don’t need their reassurance, you’ll feel very comfortable when they point out that his progress is fantastic.